…Unless he explicitly expresses interest in you.
Hello iWaited Family!
This is not your typical avoid him because he’s a liar, cheater, dog etc post.
The guy I’m talking about is the super nice, genuine, friendly and all around good guy. Now you may be asking yourself, why should I avoid this guy?
Let’s get right into it, shall we?
There are times where we as women–if we haven’t had the greatest experience with men or just haven’t had men treat us well just because–we can often misinterpret a good guy’s genuine kindness. Yes, there are men out there that open the door for you just because. Yes, there are men who will compliment you with no ulterior motive. Yes, there are men who will pump your gas for you if he’s in your car when you stop for gas. Yes, there are men who were just raised well. Period. They were taught to treat women well and with genuine respect.
So here you are going about your life and run across one of these men at your office, at church etc. You think to yourself, he’s cordial, super attentive, chivalrous and if he’s handsome…forget about it! You’ve married him, bought a house and had two of his children, in your head. If we’re not careful, our false expectations will set us up for failure and possible heartbreak.
A lot of us didn’t grow up receiving male attention just because. If men were paying attention to us, it was because they wanted something from us. As a young girl, this can greatly skew your view of what male attention should entail. You can either begin to negatively assume that all men have an ulterior motive or you put unrealistic pressure on men who’ve been innocently cordial. These scenarios tend to have two-way ramifications. Women have the potential to shut down because they don’t trust their instincts or ability to discern a man’s intentions. And the nice guys may begin to shut down in an attempt to not confuse the women.
Once we made it to college, every time a guy was super nice to us, we automatically assumed he liked us and wanted to date us. Can you guess how many times we got our heart broken? We would then make that guy out to be the bad guy but he had nothing to do with our wounded emotions, broken heart or our misinterpretation of his actions.
My advice to other women would be to allow men to be nice to us. Allow them to be chivalrous. That’s who they’re supposed to be. And until a man expresses outright interest in you, he is not interested. It’s very simple. Men are very intentional. When they want something or someone, they make their intentions known. You’re never going to have to guess how a man feels about you unless his poker face game is strong. So, when we as women assume that a man wants us without hearing him express this, we set ourselves up for major disappointment.
We also have to deal with the unhealthy expectations that we’ve grown up with. Pray about why a man being nice seems out of the norm for you. Ask yourself how you can begin to change how you view men, their actions and their intentions. Another wise thing to do is to get into therapy or counseling. Get the help of an objective person who can help you talk through past traumas. Once we take off the rose tinted glasses from our past, we can begin to see people and situations for what they really are.
Assumptions and non-communication of intentions need to go away. We as women have to learn to temper our expectations of men who haven’t expressed any interest in pursuing us. Singles ladies, you’re going to get the good guy but not every good guy is YOUR good guy.
Comment below and let me know if this post hit home for you. Love y’all!
Have a question? Have a suggestion? Need prayer? Email me at iWaitedBlog@gmail.com