This is a journal entry from March 2013, a few months before I started this blog. I was in a place where I had been abstinent two years and I was really frustrated in the wait. I was wondering what I was doing it for and what would I get out of it.
It didn’t help that I saw Christians like myself who weren’t waiting and had no interest in waiting. I felt like an anomaly. And honestly I felt almost stupid for waiting.
Four years later and I STILL have moments of frustration in this wait.
But now I’m not in a place of waiting not just to get married. I’m using this time to deepen my relationship with Christ and deepen my convictions concerning Him. I believe we can spend years upon years doing things “for” God and not actually “know” Him. I don’t want to be that person.
I don’t believe God makes you wait until you’re perfect to get married. I do believe however, that they are some of us that have to go through that refining period where God makes sure our heart is pure going into marriage. Otherwise we run the risk of making our husbands/wives idols in our lives. And if you know anything about our God–He will have no man or woman before Him. I don’t want to that person that gets a husband and forgets the God who created me.
So I’m waiting. I don’t know how much longer it will be until I get married. But I’m choosing, each day, to trust God and His timing. It’s so not easy. I get mad at God. I don’t speak to Him sometimes. But ultimately, I don’t want anything in this life apart from Him.
THAT’S WHY I’M WAITING.